From Esq. to SAHM

This is my first ever blog entry so forgive me if I'm a bit long-winded. As my friends and family know, just 2.5 weeks ago, my (serendipitously named) two-year-old daughter Sydney & I moved to beautiful Sydney, Australia, one month behind my husband Dan, who came earlier to begin work and find us a place a live. After nearly 10 years in the hustle and bustle of Boston, and an additional 3 years in idyllic Burlington, Vermont, we decided to drop everything and move halfway across the world to Sydney when a fantastic job opportunity presented itself to Dan. I am already flooding my Facebook page with photos of our adventures, and see this blog as an opportunity to explore in greater depth the adventures we are having over here - the thrills, the fears and insecurities, and the once-in-a-lifetime experiences we hope to have.

The question I've been asked the most from friends back home since getting here is, "So, what's it like being a stay at home mom?" (SAHM). For the past 8 years, I've been a practicing attorney. While I don't like to think that my identity was entirely wrapped up in being a lawyer, undoubtedly a huge amount of pride accompanied that status: pride in earning my law degree, pride in the intellectual challenges inherent in the profession, pride in doing good work. That said, I am the first to admit that I find the profession to be difficult in many ways, whether the billable hours, the insufficient socializing during the workday (linked to #1, of course), the stresses integral to the profession, or the frequent inability to showcase my silly side (no one wants a silly lawyer). Granted, in Vermont I practiced law in a pretty ideal setting, with wonderful colleagues, an amazing schedule (since my daughter turned 1, four days a week), in an area of the law I genuinely enjoyed, and a five-minute commute to work. But when the opportunity arose for me to take a hiatus from practicing, and working altogether, I didn't hesitate. Sign me up!

Now, I'm a SAHM for the first time, and my identity is a bit mushy. Actually, really mushy. It's hard to characterize my first two weeks as a SAHM. The simplest way would be "great." I am in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, with glorious weather that allows us to be outside year round, incredibly friendly people, delish food from every ethnicity, and more kid-friendly things to do than I think we will get to tackle. And, my daughter Syd is the love of my life, so spending my time with her isn't so bad. Our days are already full and very active: typically we have an adventure in the morning such as a visit to the Sydney Aquarium, or Wildlife World (my favorite), or the Taronga Zoo; followed by a (typically short) nap; followed by an afternoon at our neighborhood (and amazing) playground/waterpark where we undoubtedly meet other "mums and bubs."

But to provide the full picture of my SAHM experience to date, additional adjectives I'd have to use are "tiring" and "isolating." Syd is a nonstop kid, who wakes by 5 each morning and resists napping as if I am somehow punishing her. She hates sitting in her stroller to go anywhere, which is difficult in a sprawling city like Sydney. I also don't yet have a posse of SAHM friends (although I'm excited to have made a few girlfriends that I really, really like). I look forward to making new girlfriends who I can chat with and ask questions like, "Is it normal that my daughter asks to look inside her poopy diapers? It is?? Great!" I also feel as though I have less to talk about besides, well, my kid and what I'm doing with her. One of my goals of being a SAHM is not to lose my identity in the process: to remember and DO what I, Mandy, like to do, when I'm not being Mom. Back in Boston, I loved to go to spinning classes. Nothing gave me an emotional high (or a killer workout) more than spending 45-60 minutes sweating my tush off to cheesy pop music. Now that going to the gym is essentially impossible, unless I can somehow convince Syd to sit quietly beside me while I work out (yeah right), I need to find outlets that provide me that same stimulation. Finding a periodic babysitter IS on my checklist...

Another huge part of this transition from Esq. to SAHM is my, um, guilt that Syd is no longer in daycare 4 days a week. I know that sounds insane: most working moms (including me) feel tremendous guilt at some point that their child is in daycare, rather than at home with them. But Syd THRIVED in daycare. Her daycare is an amazing place: amazing teachers, amazing kids, amazing environment. Syd made genuine, wonderful friends and was stimulated all day long in ways that I am afraid I can't stimulate her. Being the Type A person that I am, I have brought to Oz lots of educational toys and books chock full of educational/outdoor/crafts activities that I can do with her, but, no matter what I do, I can't replicate the socialization she received being around kids her own age all day. To take a step in the socialization direction, my first week here I enrolled Syd in a weekly Gymbaroo class (Oz's version of Gymbaree) and a weekly playgroup. Both, however, are just an hour or so long and I am there with her for both: not setting her free to explore the world without her mommy there holding her hands. Over time, though, I hope that friendships will emerge from these groups (for both of us) and that Syd will be increasingly excited to see her friends at these activities, as opposed to being at them with mommy.

Ultimately what allows me to rest easy at the end of the day is that, putting aside all of my neuroses and insecurities, Syd is just so damn happy to be with me all day long. She is eager and excited to bounce around to whatever new adventure I bring her to each day, and seems to be doing just fine. I, in turn, am relishing this time with her, exploring this giant, beautiful city with my little pal beside me and seeing the world through her eyes. Over time, our social circles will hopefully expand and the isolation I feel many days will slowly disappear. I feel incredibly privileged to have this opportunity and can't wait for it to unfold.