Fearless flying??

I’ve been scared of flying as long as I can remember. Every turbulent shake of the plane causes me to white knuckle my seat and hold my breath to the point that I become dizzy. Both my annoyingly level-headed husband and father remind me of air travel’s impressive safety record, particularly compared to car travel, and both (somewhat jokingly) suggest that I wouldn’t find air travel quite so daunting if I hadn’t bypassed physics in high school. And college. But to me, it’s just not natural for a several ton chunk of metal to fly through the sky. As I like to tell Dan, I’d rather get 10 simultaneous root canals than fly any day. He laughs but knows I am entirely serious.

Thanks to a wonderful book I read several years ago, intended to calm scaredy pants fliers like me, I’ve learned a few tricks to calm myself down when flying. One particularly helpful technique is “the jelly”: when turbulence hits, instead of seizing up my entire body, grabbing the seat for dear life, and stopping breathing (never a good idea), I place my arms lightly at my side and let my body roll with the turbulence while breathing deeply. This trick has worked wonders to relax my body, although my brain continues to tell me crazy thoughts (“We’re going down! We’re going down!” over and over). Sure, my fellow passengers probably think I’m a bit of a nut, doing yoga-style breaths in my seat, but I can guarantee they’ll like me more like this than crying like a baby and madly clutching the hands of strangers sitting beside me.

That said, I like traveling much too much to allow my (admittedly irrational) fear of flying to interfere with my desire to see different parts of the world. Now that I’m living in Oz, I have no option but to fly if I want to go anywhere. Getting here in the first instance took about 22 hours of flying between Vermont and Sydney, and traveling around Australia itself is no quick jaunt either. Many people, including myself, initially have no concept of how big this country/continent is and that you have to hop onto a flight to get to many locales. Dan and I also hope to explore Asia while we're here, and nothing is much closer than a seven-hour flight. And now that I’m a mom, I am intent on putting on a brave face for Sydney each time that we fly, even pretending that turbulence is fun. (“Wee, Sydney, it’s a rollercoaster!” while I vomit inside my mouth.)

My (lack of) enthusiasm for flying has not been helped by Qantas having no less than four planes almost go down/face precarious situations since I arrived here not even four weeks ago. Two flights had well-publicized engine problems on November 4^th and 5^th; on November 15^th, a Qantas flight bound for Buenos Aires had to return to Sydney after it suffered an electrical fault that caused smoke to pour into the cockpit; and on November 16^th, a flight was struck by lightning soon after takeoff on its way from Alice Springs to Darwin, Australia. Yikes!

Tomorrow Dan, Syd, and I get back onto a plane for a fifteen-hour flight to San Francisco, where we are spending Thanksgiving week with my brother, my sister in law, and my folks. While admittedly it’s crazy to go back to the States after being here just a month, we planned this trip about a year ago and I’ve committed to another 30 hours of air travel. I don’t know how much solace to find in the fact that we’re not flying Qantas, as I’d like to think that that poor airline’s slew of bad luck has got to end soon.

Please send warm wishes for a smooth, uneventful flight there and back for us, and happy Thanksgiving!

Cartoons...a love/hate relationship

Let me start this blog entry by stating that I am not categorically opposed to my daughter watching cartoons. I personally grew up watching t.v. that my parents supervised: I have fond memories of watching Sesame Street, Captain Kangaroo, and the Muppet Show. When I became a parent, I planned to have the same relaxed-but-supervised approach with my children.

However, before we moved to Australia, Sydney didn’t get to watch any t.v. because, when she did, she became a bit of a monster. An unrecognizable slack-jawed, drooling, eyes-not-focusing monster that ate my vivacious, loquacious little girl. Beyond the zomby-fying effect of them, Syd’s appetite for cartoons seemed insatiable: when we were so bold as to turn off the t.v., we were met with tantrums of epic proportions.

So when Syd turned around 1 year old, Dan and I made the joint decision that the t.v. would not ever be on around her, to avoid her turning into the slack-jawed monster described above. This was actually quite easy to pull off: because Dan and I were both at work most of the day, we didn’t consider turning on the t.v. in the limited hours we had with Syd before her bedtime.

Apparently Dan and my approach is consistent with recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). In 1999, AAP issued a policy statement that pediatricians should urge parents to avoid t.v. watching for kids under the age of 2, noting that research on early brain development shows that babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant caregivers for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills. The AAP also notes that research has shown that exposure to t.v. can lead to delays in language development (among other negative effects) and that no studies have documented an actual benefit from early viewing of t.v. and videos.

In 2010, the AAP issued an updated policy on t.v. watching, http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/reprint/peds.2010-1636v1, in which the organization acknowledged the dramatic changes to the media landscape in the preceding decade. The AAP noted, somewhat shockingly, that “kids are now spending more than 7 hours per day on average using televisions, computers, phones and other electronic devices for entertainment.” (Seven hours per day!!) The AAP recommends that children be exposed to less than two hours of screen time per day (and maintains that children under two should not watch any t.v.).

Now that I’m a SAHM in Australia and have much more idle time with Sydney, I find that it’s increasingly difficult to keep Syd away from the tube. Although I think I’ve done a great job of filling our days with fun and educational activities, there is undoubtedly a lot more time in the day that needs to be filled. Most significantly, since moving here, Syd has considerable trouble leaving my side. Just as my pediatrician forecast before we left, Syd has been very emotionally and physically needy towards me since her entire universe has been turned upside down. As predicted, Syd needs mommy all the time. Although I love all this time with her, it can be quite challenging to make dinner (or even pee!) when she can’t leave my side.

So… rules be damned….Syd now can watch up to an hour of cartoons in the (very) early morning when she gets up, when I am still barely conscious and checking emails and making our plans for the day, and a bit more in the evenings when I am preparing dinner. (My efforts to learn how to cook will be chronicled another day.) Many days she is happily distracted by her books and toys and forgets to demand that I grab the "motes!" (remotes) and turn on the cartoons. Syd still turns into the same drooling, cross-eyed monster when she watches cartoons – Dora the Explorer and Diego are her favorites – but I feel slightly less guilty when I realize that she’s actually really paying attention to the shows and can tell me afterwards what animals were in them. I even find her humming the theme songs from them. Do I dare say she may actually be learning something from them?! From a sanity standpoint, Syd’s sessions with Dora and Diego allow me to get a few things done around the house that I couldn’t do otherwise. While I am admittedly using the t.v. as an “electronic babysitter,” as the AAP aptly coins it, at this time it’s the best I can do. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a parent, the best you can do is good enough! Finding balance as a parent is a constant seesaw, and sometimes I need Dora and Diego weighing down the other end of the seesaw to stay upright.

From Esq. to SAHM

This is my first ever blog entry so forgive me if I'm a bit long-winded. As my friends and family know, just 2.5 weeks ago, my (serendipitously named) two-year-old daughter Sydney & I moved to beautiful Sydney, Australia, one month behind my husband Dan, who came earlier to begin work and find us a place a live. After nearly 10 years in the hustle and bustle of Boston, and an additional 3 years in idyllic Burlington, Vermont, we decided to drop everything and move halfway across the world to Sydney when a fantastic job opportunity presented itself to Dan. I am already flooding my Facebook page with photos of our adventures, and see this blog as an opportunity to explore in greater depth the adventures we are having over here - the thrills, the fears and insecurities, and the once-in-a-lifetime experiences we hope to have.

The question I've been asked the most from friends back home since getting here is, "So, what's it like being a stay at home mom?" (SAHM). For the past 8 years, I've been a practicing attorney. While I don't like to think that my identity was entirely wrapped up in being a lawyer, undoubtedly a huge amount of pride accompanied that status: pride in earning my law degree, pride in the intellectual challenges inherent in the profession, pride in doing good work. That said, I am the first to admit that I find the profession to be difficult in many ways, whether the billable hours, the insufficient socializing during the workday (linked to #1, of course), the stresses integral to the profession, or the frequent inability to showcase my silly side (no one wants a silly lawyer). Granted, in Vermont I practiced law in a pretty ideal setting, with wonderful colleagues, an amazing schedule (since my daughter turned 1, four days a week), in an area of the law I genuinely enjoyed, and a five-minute commute to work. But when the opportunity arose for me to take a hiatus from practicing, and working altogether, I didn't hesitate. Sign me up!

Now, I'm a SAHM for the first time, and my identity is a bit mushy. Actually, really mushy. It's hard to characterize my first two weeks as a SAHM. The simplest way would be "great." I am in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, with glorious weather that allows us to be outside year round, incredibly friendly people, delish food from every ethnicity, and more kid-friendly things to do than I think we will get to tackle. And, my daughter Syd is the love of my life, so spending my time with her isn't so bad. Our days are already full and very active: typically we have an adventure in the morning such as a visit to the Sydney Aquarium, or Wildlife World (my favorite), or the Taronga Zoo; followed by a (typically short) nap; followed by an afternoon at our neighborhood (and amazing) playground/waterpark where we undoubtedly meet other "mums and bubs."

But to provide the full picture of my SAHM experience to date, additional adjectives I'd have to use are "tiring" and "isolating." Syd is a nonstop kid, who wakes by 5 each morning and resists napping as if I am somehow punishing her. She hates sitting in her stroller to go anywhere, which is difficult in a sprawling city like Sydney. I also don't yet have a posse of SAHM friends (although I'm excited to have made a few girlfriends that I really, really like). I look forward to making new girlfriends who I can chat with and ask questions like, "Is it normal that my daughter asks to look inside her poopy diapers? It is?? Great!" I also feel as though I have less to talk about besides, well, my kid and what I'm doing with her. One of my goals of being a SAHM is not to lose my identity in the process: to remember and DO what I, Mandy, like to do, when I'm not being Mom. Back in Boston, I loved to go to spinning classes. Nothing gave me an emotional high (or a killer workout) more than spending 45-60 minutes sweating my tush off to cheesy pop music. Now that going to the gym is essentially impossible, unless I can somehow convince Syd to sit quietly beside me while I work out (yeah right), I need to find outlets that provide me that same stimulation. Finding a periodic babysitter IS on my checklist...

Another huge part of this transition from Esq. to SAHM is my, um, guilt that Syd is no longer in daycare 4 days a week. I know that sounds insane: most working moms (including me) feel tremendous guilt at some point that their child is in daycare, rather than at home with them. But Syd THRIVED in daycare. Her daycare is an amazing place: amazing teachers, amazing kids, amazing environment. Syd made genuine, wonderful friends and was stimulated all day long in ways that I am afraid I can't stimulate her. Being the Type A person that I am, I have brought to Oz lots of educational toys and books chock full of educational/outdoor/crafts activities that I can do with her, but, no matter what I do, I can't replicate the socialization she received being around kids her own age all day. To take a step in the socialization direction, my first week here I enrolled Syd in a weekly Gymbaroo class (Oz's version of Gymbaree) and a weekly playgroup. Both, however, are just an hour or so long and I am there with her for both: not setting her free to explore the world without her mommy there holding her hands. Over time, though, I hope that friendships will emerge from these groups (for both of us) and that Syd will be increasingly excited to see her friends at these activities, as opposed to being at them with mommy.

Ultimately what allows me to rest easy at the end of the day is that, putting aside all of my neuroses and insecurities, Syd is just so damn happy to be with me all day long. She is eager and excited to bounce around to whatever new adventure I bring her to each day, and seems to be doing just fine. I, in turn, am relishing this time with her, exploring this giant, beautiful city with my little pal beside me and seeing the world through her eyes. Over time, our social circles will hopefully expand and the isolation I feel many days will slowly disappear. I feel incredibly privileged to have this opportunity and can't wait for it to unfold.